The Aftermath of an Emotional Turbulence.

The worst part of being a woman is having the monthly visitor.
I hate it for a gazillion of reasons and to name just a few:

1. It makes me feel really, really F U G L Y as in fat and ugly to the highest level.
2. It makes me want to throw fist fights with The Boyfriend everyday until the visitor finally comes.
3. It makes me depressed. Thus all the tweets. They seem to be too uncontrollable and too tempting to just vent I couldn't help but tweet them without thoroughly thinking about them really.
4. It makes me want to just sulk up in bed and alienate myself from everyone.
5. It makes me binge-eat.
6. It makes me MIA in social networking sites as well. Uhm, except for Twitter though.

I've been asking fellow women why we have to feel this way before (and in my case, ask myself, after) the dreaded periods. I mean, I could see it coming but in the 12 years that I've been having this, I still couldn't seem to find a way to control it somehow. They say that it's because of the hormones that's why we all have this bittersweet days (and the bitterest of days come menopausal days). I really have a hard battle with this PMS. It sucks big time. I want it to go away like totally without a trace. I don't want to take mood stabilizers or anything at all. I just want it to go away naturally.

The emotional turbulence is truly heartbreaking and disturbing. Now I'm even more afraid to show my face to people. Oh no!

*sighs*

On a lighter note, I have wrapped all my Christmas presents already! My anxiety goes to the clothing gifts which I have a big fear that might not fit those wearing them. But I hope that they will though! I am very excited to be playing Santa Claus and deliver all those gifts to the deserving. Hahaha! I have already given some of the gifts and my heart couldn't help from glowing with delight once I see them unwrap the presents with big smiles on their faces. I always love to witness the unwrapping of gifts! It's my favoritest part next to wrapping them :) I didn't fulfill the promised theme for the wrappers though cuz... I found them too expensive, honestly but I compensated with wrapping them lovingly.

I wish I could take a picture of at least one or two people unwrapping their gifts from either me or The Boyfriend and me :)

ANDDDDD! I'm excited too cuz The Boyfriend and I will be exchanging gifts tomorrow! Lucky us that we won't be working our asses off on Christmas eve. Quality time, here I come!


help,

~tSin

Swallow Your Pride. Say Sorry for Yesterday.

I'm taking a momentary P A U S E.
3 more days before Christmas and here I am sulking to my demise.
I don't feel well. I feel ill!

"Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
~Taylor Swift, Back to December"

Your mind is tainted
With all of these nonsense sweetened fiction...
Listening to Taylor Swift overnight
And watching sappy love stories behind my back.
Talking to your girlfriends about one day getting married
Girl, you're asking too much.
We aren't ready, can't you see?
You've got to wake up from this dream.

ouch,

~tSin

The Dread.

The bag was packed:
a pair of running shoes,
a floral handkerchief to dry the sweat,
a pair of navy blue work-out shorts
a mind set to run.

But when I got there my knees quivered as though it was my first day in school and I felt like vomiting by the site of people running past me. I felt like I got stuck inside a horror booth and all of them runners zooming here and there were part of the horror show! Good grief! I never ever had the guts to run at all :| *sniffs* But I will. I will. I will.

Because I finally found my running shoes! Picture to follow! :)

feeling really fat,

~tSin

I Am Telling You Now What I Forgot to Tell You The Last Time

Look at me

I've got bangs! =)

Yes! And that's what I forgot to tell you guys the last time I posted something here! So there posting another highlight of mine for this year on Christmas day! How do you like my hair now? Haha!Oh before I totally lose myself with narcissistic indulgence... let me say once again a Happy Christmas to everyone!

Btw, I just finished watching Sex and the City and I must say that it is now one of my favoritest movie ever! =) And partly cuz of that movie I was inspired to write The Boyfriend a love-letter-turned-out-getting-off-some-heavy-weight-thoughts-off-my-chest! I hope he wouldn't mind!

finding some party,

-tSin

Inverted.

Hello is our word of the day because [at work] the phone lines are defunct we end up either being hung up or calling back the caller just so we can help them out. Talk about going some extra miles to please somebody and I hope they are truly pleased!

I can't do much Facebooking or Twittering anymore cuz they've got the NICE system up which is not very nice cuz it's definitely taking away part of my happiness. I'm not really very bitter about it since I still can do such things at home it's just that when work becomes inevitably B.O.R.I.N.G and I can't think of anything sensible to blog about... I am left with nothing to do but doze off which is definitely a No-No, I KNOW! Plus one of the HR people is sitting just right in front of us here and she always, always, as in never fail to walk by every working night! I am aware of that and it is embarrassing to be caught sleeping at my desk but sometimes I just couldn't help it especially after a very busy day at school. And speaking of school I am just glad that school is not yet killing me! Except for some minor homework no quizzes have been announced to be given yet! Whoopee! I have been losing some sleep lately... but I'm not minding it because I know that one day all of my sacrifices will pay off. I just have to be really, really patient! I'm crossing my fingers on that and my toes, too! Hahah!

This entry won't be very long. Before I hand you over to mouth-watering photos let me tell you the highlight of my week first. Heheh... And it's... *drum roll please*

I AM BROKE AND POOR - ALL AT ONCE!
[at least this week]

And that's because they gave our pay some 4 days earlier than the usual :( and I've got soooo many stuff to pay and I still have sooo many things to pay and buy and not to mention... Christmas is coming! Yes, I can feel the pressure now. Sometimes situations like this make me think: WHAT THE HECK HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE? I've got not even a centavo in my savings account no make that... I don't even have a savings account! I am planning to straighten this part of my life by the start of next year. Seriously. I have to save and get my act together and stop splurging and quit the impulsive buying. Because if I don't... I think it'll definitely drive me crazier and make me lose more sleep! I hate it... how money can make the world go round when in fact it doesn't even make us any happier at all. :( I really think that it's [money] just a source of evil and temptation and more evil -- I think so because I don't have money! Hahahah!

Moving on... [I still wish though that I will win the lottery one of these days! Hahahah!] Here are some very beautiful and brilliant photos by Elena Kalis. I really adore underwater photographs! They are just A. Amazing, B. Brilliant, and C. Charming. :p

ALICE in WATERLAND

~after all, knowledge is a virtue.

Elena Kalis is a master in this field! Two thumbs up for her genius works! :) Thanks to Anna for sharing this wonderful discovery! I took the photos from her site as well since I can't "right-click-and-copy-paste" the photos from Elena's site [or I just really don't know how! Sheesh!].

And I've got to retire for the moment. Until then!


make no promises,

-tSin

Thou Shall Not Steal.

OTHERWISE YOU WILL LIVE A VERY MISERABLE LIFE!

Yes, BEWARE of this seller: imdlatest.multiply.com

read the testimonies of the scammed ones HERE.

I don't know if they are still in business as of date, but if they still are and you happen to stumble upon this blog of mine please do tell everyone you know how fake this seller is. Go ahead spread some love and concern. Thanks!

Nobody wants to be scammed. Nobody wants to be deceived.

give not take,

-tSin

Another Inside Story I Can't Tell.

Another downfall lights the way

Begging me to save the day

In these walls I’ve failed to stand

Another useless helping hand

~Taken By Cars, All For a Tuesday

09.30.09 | 06:02:09 | bubbly toes and blood red hair

Yesterday, on our way home:

The Boyfriend: Let's drop by *enter bank name here*

Me: Oh! You've been paid already? (as in the salary)

The Boyfriend: Yep.

Me: Well, that's early. It's still the 29th. Are you sure?

The Boyfriend: I'm sure.

Me: Hmmm... well probably so you can also help out the Ondoy victims.

The Boyfriend: Right! Our supervisor even made us sign this contract as to how much we would want to donate.

Me: Really? And how much are you giving?

The Boyfriend: Five thousand.

Me: *wide eyes* What?

*silence*

Me: *5 minutes after* Tim, I am sooo proud of you.

The Boyfriend: Why?

Me: Cuz you're donating five thousand pesos!

The Boyfriend: *laughs* I was just kidding...

UGH! I wanted to shave his head right there and then! Hahaha! Crazy.

Anyhooser, it must have been three or four days already since the Ondoy devastating calamity... finally, the raging tempest have left us - although mourning and with much loss, it's very heartbreaking to even think about. I am not very updated with the daily news about Ondoy and its aftermath aside from the twits I get from celebrity stars on Twitter, word of mouth is my only source for news. Please don't think that I am utterly nonchalant about what had happened to my countrymen, in fact, I am very proud of those people who took time and to some who have sacrificed their lives to help others. And if I were closer and had a lot more extra moolah to spare... I'd surely spearhead a group to help those poor victims of the typhoon. But since I am in a whole different island (thankfully, safe and sound!) and I am also having a hard time trying to make both ends meet... I am offering my heartfelt prayers for them.

I guess I know how it feels to get stuck in the cold, raging storm... holding on to whatever you can hold on to... walking in knee/waist/shoulder-deep and not to mention very dirty waters... and trying hard to save your home and your life. When I was still a kid, we also experienced the unpredictable wraths of Mother Nature... and I semi-lost my grandfather because of the heavy rain and flood during a storm which I really couldn't remember the name at all. It was devastating already what more this Ondoy has brought to us? I believe about some hundred lives have already been lost... it's crazy. And most of the casualties consist of infants, kids, and women. :(

Good thing really that we have brave souls out there who are willing to help out in whatever way they can. And I'm just hoping that those politicians won't take this time of great loss and heartbreak as an oppurtunity to advertise themselves for the upcoming elections. That would be unforgivable. I hope, too, that the government is doing their best to help these people who have been greatly affected and prolly, it would be wise if they get ready for the 2 other storms which are said to be coming our way any time this week as well. Hopefully, they wouldn't cause as much destruction as Ondoy though. Not now please. Better yet... not anymore.

The Aftermath [photos]:

~this is just überly sad and heartbreaking.

Angry Mother Earth makes humans look like animals lying naked and helpless on the streets, atop debris, lost from a battle never won -- vulnerable and raw. And She doesn't choose who should go... everyone must go. Sinners or not. Which reminds me of Jacque Bermejo.

She's instantly become a superstar over the stormy weekend and now she's released her "OFFICIAL STATEMENT" to clean her name. I bet she's too ashamed to even show her face out the window of her room now. I don't know if I should believe her claim that her FB account has been hacked although I should say that she must have had her point... it's just that she blurted out something outrageously hurtful in the most sensitive of times. Well, we are all entitled to our opinion anyway and negative publicity is still publicity after all... Who knows that Jacque-girl is just fishing for worldwide attention, probably dreaming of becoming the next Paris Hilton or something. Or seriously, I really don't know. It's for you to believe or not. Yes, it's up to you. Anyhow, the truth will surely come out any time soon. I guess... we'll just have to wait for that?

And I'll leave you with this:

"Storm “Ondoy” was a great equalizer. The flood treated everybody, rich and poor, equally. It didn’t play favorites, exempting no one. It made everybody miserable. Celebrities and the influential suffered along with the poor. The rich in their gated communities suffered just as much as the squatters in their shanties."

This guy has surely helped me out. Very well said!

LET'S HELP OUT. It's never too late.

i know how it hurts,

-tSin

It's Way Past Time and I Still Can't Sleep.

There was a commotion in the room. Noise and hisses - I opened my eyes, everything was black... or gray. I wasn't sure. I moved my fingers, they were numb and I felt like I was tightly tied to whatever it was I was lying down on.

"What happened?" came a familiar voice of a man.

"I don't know, kuya," was the reply of another voice that I have known all of my life. "She was having a hard time sleeping and she asked me to get a glass of water..." the voice trailed off.

"And?" probed the first voice.

"She drank this tiny medicine."

"Medicine? What medicine?" the first voice asked, panic could be recognized in his voice.

What is going on? I wanted to ask, but I still couldn't move at all.

"I don't know. I-I didn't ask. But she kept it right -"

There was a sound of some things being lifted, no, thrown away hurriedly... not even allowing the second voice to finish his sentence. And then some plastic.

"How many did she take? Did you see?" asked the first voice gasping for breath.

"I didn't. Maybe one or two. I'm not sure, kuya," the second voice, which I finally recognized was my brother's, replied with a quiver of worry.

I then realized they were talking about me. I wasn't bounded then, the room wasn't dark... I might be... No. I couldn't even say or think of the word. No way. Not now. I've got to get back.

Everything that happened that day flashed back. The stressful day and my mind couldn't stop thinking and analyzing and re-analyzing things. The sight of that helpful (or maybe not at all) medicine. The medicine that would probably lull me to sleep forever now.

"Anna? Anna?" the first voice, my boyfriend's, shouted.

He might have shook me awake, but I couldn't move. My mouth couldn't even utter a single word and my eyes won't open still. I felt cold, really cold like I was locked up in a freezer or an ice truck. I couldn't see anything, but I could hear everything: the howling wind, the swaying trees, the breathlessness of the men in the room, the electricity running through the wires, the sound of children running and laughing outside the house, the goats munching on their lunch of grass - all of which sounded so clear to me.

I am drifting away... farther now.

I want to go back.

"Anna?"

I didn't recognize anymore who called my name last. I was lost.


singing myself a lullaby,

-tSin

Tomorrow It May Change.

Give me a little time
Leave me alone a little while
Maybe its not too late
Not today, today, today, today, today
~Avril Lavigne, Tomorrow

12:20:49 | 09.03.09 | happy birthday unx

Please accept my apologies for the gobbledygook. My anger is always short-lived, believe me. I never get angry in more than 24 hours... I am just never that kind of person. Before I almost lost my temper some hours ago, I was actually composing this blog but of course I had to stop. I got really irritated with the phone ringing and my head was thudding kind of fast I wanted to go home that instant... I even wanted to quit right there and then just because I felt so awful and tired. :( But now I feel much a bit better and in a little while I'd be off to bed for full recovery and I'm hoping and praying (so much) that we won't be getting too many calls tonight! Please! Umpf. Why the heck am I talking about my work here? Ok. Ok... moving on.

Yesterday, I got a very wonderful message from GOD through this wonderful application in FB and yes I really would want to share this here to remind me that no matter how my brain has been wired faultily... I was still made in God's own image and I could be as perfect as He is if I would choose to. Did that make sense? Anyway, here is God's message to me:

Tsin got a message that on this day, God wants you to know...

... that you are perfect as you are.
God doesn't create faulty life. No. Everything created by God is perfect, and so are you.

So stop driving yourself mad with endless ways to improve, and just accept the glory of your being as is.

Of course God never creates a faulty life and as in never. It's just that people, like me, choose to have a faulty one. I have realized a long time ago that whatever happens to my life I will it to happen because I really believe that everything has already been laid out already, has been planned, has been written - maktub as Coelho would put it. That's why most of the time I just let everything fall into place because in the past I was that kind who always wanted to have everything figured out - even those parts that aren't worth figuring out. I was always afraid and uncertain about the future and more often than not, I was insecure of myself that is why I make sure that I always make plans and stick to them... otherwise I would be upset. But then I over-organized (I made that one up so don't bother looking that up in the dictionary. heheh...) myself. I missed out on a lot of things and have even detached myself from the people I cared most for a while. I was really too hard on myself back then and even now sometimes I still drive myself mad with endless ways to improve. I still make plans inside my head but then get really too lazy to realize them. I think I have finally learned to accept the glory of my being as I am. I'm also very sure that God has a beautiful plan for me... I'll be holding on to that fact. Yes. I'm gonna quit trying hard too much cuz as I've noticed the harder I try the farther I drift away from reality and it's crazy. (And weird I know.)

So I guess it's time I hit the sheets of my pink bed now. I've got to sleep I need some energy to not lose my temper very fast again tonight.

help me be good, my Lord,

-tSin

P.S.

HERE'S the other thing that I've written today. :)

The Breakup Song.

You don't know me
And you don't even care
She said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains
~Augustana, Boston

08.27.09 | 10:10:18 | bitter cuz you're uninvited

Dear Dr W.B.

Hi it's me. Do you remember me? I guess you do. I don't think you are that old to forget just yet and besides it's only been a month and a week since the last time you saw me. You do remember me. I was that girl who sent you an SMS for help with a very big hope that you will be able to revive me. Guess what, Doc? You did revive me. Thank you so much.

So Doc, you're probably wondering why I am writing to you today. It may seem odd really, but I do feel like writing you would be the most appropriate thing to tell everything if not partly the things that I have been keeping from you. Yesterday, The Boyfriend reminded me that we are due to meet you this coming Saturday. I was perplexed. Oh don't get me wrong Doc, it's not that I don't want to see you because I don't like you or you have bad breath or your office seems to be too small for you and your patients... It's just that, honestly with all honesty, I am never comfortable with talking about things that bother me. You're really ok and all and I like you as much as The Boyfriend does and that if only I weren't the patient I'd look forward to every time I'd meet you, but that's just not my case. I find it really awkward to be sitting there in front of you, holding my breath as you'd run to your list of questions to check on me. If you want to know about that guy whom you really think triggered everything that has happened, for the nth time Doc, we're ok. We're good. We're very good friends just like before. As for my dad staying with us, I take back what I said, I'm happy he's back with us. Now we already have fences surrounding our house - thanks to Pop we now have a deep feeling of security and privacy plus I have been gaining weight with all of the yummyness of his cookings. As for my family, they're still the same, I'm still the same with them. I still wake up with my P500 lost from my wallet that's been tucked in safely, I thought, with me. My mom still couldn't help depending on me for some of the financial stuff as though I am a money-mill. My siblings remain to be ungrateful or I'm just probably sleeping too much. I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter as I always tell you because I love them and they mean the world to me that no matter what they do, no matter how many times they break my heart or steal take my money they will still be my family. I still wouldn't exchange them for anything at all. NO. As for my job, there are times that I feel unhappy because I feel like I am in a standstill and I don't understand why. Probably because I've been doing the same thing all over again -- all routine finally losing its magic. Although I am not thinking of finding another job or moving to a different position... I am not satisfied as well of what or where I am now, career-wise. Strange, but I'm too lazy to even move a muscle. It's sad. I am doing every possible way to ignore the thought though and I have been convincing myself crazy that I love my job (which is really true) and that I am enjoying every moment (not really every) of it!

I am also looking forward to going back to school by the opening of the next semester on October or November. I know it's going to add much load to my daily living and I'm not sure if it's going to be a good or bad thing... I think it should be both. Good thing because finally I'd be back to school and will finally finish my course in psychology. Bad because I've been used to be sleeping the whole day mostly after work ever since I came back from my fateful two weeks of medication I don't think I'd be able to stay up for another three or more hours especially with the burning heat. I could just wish for now the acs in the classroom would work full blast to appease me! Otherwise, I'd be running away and I'd be back to being an OSY.

Moving on Doc, I want to assure you that I am now 101% ok. I am back to my old self, I think even better because I am now more in control with my emotions and my reactions to the world and to the people around me. And btw, I have stopped drinking the medicines that you have prescribed me because they make me feel sleepy all of the time. There was even this one time when I was almost tempted to stay home sick again, I seriously needed to cut off the meds. No, I am not trying to prove anything at all Doctor, I just want to be drug-independent and not that there's anything about me that I need to prove anyway. Ok, maybe just a bit. Human pride, Doc. It partly makes us alive. So there. What I am trying to say is that I don't want anymore to have talking sessions with you. I'm really sorry but it's just really awkward and you've started asking me for a PF, you never did before, didn't you? Now, I am curious... what made you do so? And also, I would like to ask you to stop prescribing me the meds already. The yellow one just tastes like rust really and it makes me feel degraded every time I take them. Please Doctor? You've done a very good job on reviving me and I could never thank you enough, but please just release me and make me live normally again. PLEASE!

Nevertheless, I would like to thank you for being soooo, so, so patient with me! For talking to me even though I was very unresponsive to the point of not even recognizing what you were blabbering about. For not charging too much. For being really nice. For believing in me because if you didn't I might already be stuck in the asylum now. For putting "Insomnia" as your diagnosis of me instead of putting there the truth - I know you really are concern of my welfare as well as my career. For comforting my family, The Boyfriend and his family in the times when I couldn't anymore comfort them. For praying for me, I know you really did. I will never ever forget you and I will always remember you to be that man who talked me out of madness not the Doctor who gave me piles of RX for the medication. Yes, it was you and your belief in me that cured me not the medications. Thank you so much Doctor.


in whichever name you'd know me,

-tSin

I'm Not Locked Up Here With You. You're Locked Up Here With Me.

This is where I say I've had enough

and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now.

~Dashboard Confessional, Saints and Sailors

07.17.09 | 06:39:12 | a walking open wound

I don't know if I'm anxious or just feigning anxiety or just really lame like that. Something very significant and important to me is going to happen middle of next week - I am both excited and afraid at the same time and I couldn't explain why. There's also the weekend coming up and I sure am excited for that because I'm itching to party or go clubbing somewhere in the city. I think if anyone would text me on that day inviting me out for the night (or dusk to dawn) I'd probably go in a heartbeat no matter who he, she, or they are! I just really want to go hit the club, LIKE REALLY WANT!

Yesterday, we went to a funeral of a friend's friend who died about two weeks ago. Her death was devastatingly sudden and I think that it has really left most of her friends with a broken heart because she left them (again) so suddenly, even without a warning. I could see that my friend Gelou who's probably been friends with Sue for years is really affected by what happened. I don't know what really the story is, but what I do know is that they were on an out of town trip together with some other friends when Sue finally checked out, basically complaining about stomach pain and vomiting in between the trip. Who would've known that it would be the last time that they'd be together? I could just imagine. It must've been very painful to be there during the last minutes of her short life; to be there by her side and just that and only to be wishing that God may give her a second chance by breathing life into her again. I'm sure her friends couldn't help wishing they had some superpowers to bring her back again. Oh the life of man, we really don't know what will happen. No wonder most of us dread death so much cuz oftentimes it gets us at the time when we think that everything, as in everything, is doing good and perfect - like rain pouring hard just when you decided to leave your umbrella at home because the sun outside is shining and smiling to the world with all its deceiving glory!

Monday night, an Iranian plane carrying 168 people crashed just minutes after taking off from Tehran. We were watching the news with my father and he said, "Tsk. Bisag unsaon gyud og amping sa tao kung oras na nila mao na gyud." (No matter how one takes care of himself if the time comes for him to go he really has to go.) Very true. This brings me back to the times when I had this really late graveyard shift at about one in the morning and our place is like an hour from the city where I'm working. I had to leave the house at quarter to midnight so I won't be late and would have to go to really dark streets and not to mention even ride jeepneys (unfortunately, cuz we don't have a car) with drunken men in them. People - my family (especially my overly concerned grandma), friends, and colleagues - couldn't help asking me if I ever get afraid of roaming the city all by myself on those dreadful hours of night. And I would simply tell them "NO." I didn't know I was supposed to be afraid and personally, I believe that if the time comes for me it will come and as my granny would jokingly tell us: "Die today, die tomorrow... same die!" She's got a point, right. Everyone dies, so what's the point of making a big fuss on death? I'd rather live my life the way I should: party hard, teach and learn, get hurt, make friends, try something new now and then, live, love, laugh real hard until my stomach hurts, be not afraid of anything but God. I wouldn't want to waste my time sulking over things that I couldn't change (although, I might want to take a break from the high life every now and then to introspect of course!)

While I was sitting there on one of the phews in church, listening to Sue's friends and family give their last messages for her, I couldn't help reflecting myself. What if I die today or now? Will I be proud to say that I've lived my life to the fullest and haven't wasted any time? Tears fell from my eyes and I tried to stop them because I wasn't sure if the tears were for Sue or for me because when I closed my eyes I saw something else: I saw myself in Sue's place - cold and heartbeatless. It's really strange and disturbing how I could vividly see myself inside a casket than in a wedding gown. I couldn't help wondering how it would be to die, to be leaving everything and everyone. I think it would be really sad. I wonder if I could attend my own funeral. I wonder if they could play some Taking Back Sunday songs during the service. I wonder what my friends or my family would say... "Farewell, Tsin, rest in peace! Don't ever go back cuz we're definitely better off here without you!" I wonder if I have ever made a mark or a difference to somebody's life. Sheesh... I have to let go of these crazy thoughts... I will find out someday.

Oh, I also remember, and this one's really funny. My siblings and I went to a Catholic school that never fails to encourage us everyday to be good, to become modern saints and back then I must admit that I was really a brat but not a bully. I couldn't categorize myself as somebody who can be really saintly and all as well... Being good was too much for me, I have to exert effort just to be nice and it was just much easier to be bad! I have hurt people and lied and everything and everytime I would realize this I'd say that I will change for the good already but everytime as well I just lose my temper and flare up and bottom line is that I'm just the same person! Then I would say to myself that maybe I could just be a little good and when I die I'll just have to negotiate it with St Peter or God so that I can go to heaven! Hahah! Even when I was a kid I already had those silly, crazy ideas. Tsk.

Well, probably, it's time I start living this credo?

God made me - I WAS NO ACCIDENT.

I was in God's plan

And he doesn't make junk - ever!

I was born to be a successful human being,

I am somebody special - unique,

Definitely onoe of a kind and I love me.

That is essential so that I might love you, too.

I have talents, potentials, yes.

There is a greatness in me, and

If I harness that specialness

Then I will write my name with my deeds...

I was born in God's image and likeness

And I will strive to do God's will.

That right there is perfect consolation for the insecurities that sometimes try to take over my being, coaxing me not to go on when I pass through the crumpled roads of life. I am no accident, but if I am an accident I might have been the greatest accident the world has ever encountered. =) And damn, the critics! Oh actually, thanks to the critics they just make my life more exciting! You make the world go round but not as round as true friends do! As to Sue, may you rest in peace! I know, by this time, you're already hand in hand with God!

*cheers*,

~tSin