Take a bow Pack on powder Wash 'em out with buzzing lights Pay an audience to care 'Impress me' personality -Incubus, Talk Shows On Mute
--we can't always please everyone--
I should be sleeping. I should be in dreamland. I shut my eyes, but then seconds later I decided I should write. I wrote something beautiful 3 days ago... when I checked it last Sunday it was gone. My heart broke. It isn't everyday that I can write something that will ever make sense and it frustrates me -- knowing that I've found something good only to have lost it. It wasn't time then. Possible. So what now? SOON cannot be NOW? When then? I can't waste any time because I only have enough.
It is crazy how people can become so evil, how someone you thought you can trust can betray you with just words that would so ruin your being, how some people can never seem to appreciate somebody's sacrifice, how some of us could easily wish we are somebody else, how some people can love too much as though they own that person, how some couldn't care more, how some would think that we live in a perfect world without the slightest flaws, how someone could give so much attention for just one person and neglect the rest of the world. The world is in a fiasco and nobody even cares. Everyone is just too caught up with themselves. I wish I can save the world. That's funny. I can't even save myself.
Or perhaps it would be better to say, I can't save myself because I don't even know who I am. They say that the only time we can accept ourselves is when we finally know who we really are (maybe, what we are truly made of?) -- I guess that would be a long run for me. Ever notice? It's much easier for us to help others than to help ourselves. We neglect our very own needs, desires, emotions because we are afraid to admit that they exist in us. And that if we ever acknowledge it people might reject us. We all want to please everyone so we forget ourselves. In forgetting ourselves we expose ourselves to a more grave threat of rejection. People are just people. We can like somebody so much right this very minute and abhor them the next just because of one mistake -- and sometimes we don't even allow them to explain. So there. End of story. You try to move on. And then the cycle just goes on.
On the contrary, people can also become very selfish. We want the world to know we are important. So some would go for fame, influence, diamond escapes, power, immortality, and all the stupidity that can make man feel like He is more than God. This scares me a bit. I hope one day people will realize that the sun doesn't only rise and set for one, but for 68,248,436,892 (and counting) others.
Life is a gamble. You can win. You can lose. You just have to play hard. You have to put in mind that all of us are obligately interdependent with each other. We can never live alone. So stop living like you are in Jupiter because even Jupiter has its own set of creatures.
Guyswould say that women are the most unpredictable creatures that the world has ever housed.Girls would say the world could've been a lot better if men ceased throwing the innuendos. Oh blah! Defend yourself if you must, this is an eternal philosophical battle... or I think it is.
1. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about. (aie noh?)
A. Girls are too busy thinking about the guy they truly care about they can hardly find time to flirt with other guys.
2. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. (kani kabantay ko ani... i think this must be one of the reasons why a lot of guys are going gaga over Locsin [or me! hahah!])
B. Girls go crazy over a guy's wit and charm.
3. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him. (daie? baskin mo tumbling?)
C. Girls will do anything just to see the guy she really likes.
4. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex-love interest. (aie. ka gilok. aw.)
D. Girls hate it when guys compare them with their "EXES".
5. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved. (reassureon bitaw mo, di pod mo cui oa rah. patarong oiii!)
E. Girlfriends need to be told that they are loved every chance you get otherwise they will feel that you really don't love them or worst that your feelings are merely superficial.
6. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend. (bitaw? no joke?)
F. NEVER talk about how pretty or hot or nice your girl friend or best friend is to your GIRLFRIEND.
7. Guys get jealous easily. (nya? sure oiii! dleh daw mo seloso. hahah!)
G. Girls will say they are not jealous even though their teeth are already shaking from anger because of jealousy.
8. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think. (i agree.)
H. Girls were born whining and sensitive so you really have to be careful with your words.
9. GIVING A GUY A HANGING MESSAGE LIKE: "YOU KNOW WHAT?! UH... Never Mind..." WOULD MAKE HIM JUMP TO A CONCLUSION THAT IS FAR FROM WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. AND HE'LL ASSUME HE DID SOMETHING WRONG AND HE'LL BE OBSESSED ABOUT TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT. (naka feel na ko na laki jugh diay ko. heheh)
I. Giving a girl a hanging message like: "You know what?! Uh, never mind." Would make her want to squeeze you just to tell them what you really wanted to say when you said "YOU KNOW WHAT?!" GIRLS LIKE BOYS CAN'T READ MINDS!
10. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like. (so meaning...?)
J. Girls when flattered just want to hear more flowery words and they really get hurt when they find out you don't mean it. So don't say she looks good in that Little Black dress when she really looks like a duck.
11. A USUAL ACT THAT PROVES THE GUY LIKES YOU IS WHEN HE TEASES YOU. (the infamous altruistic surrender... faet.)
K. A girl likes you if she gets upset when you start to tease her and push her to some other guy.
12. GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE THEM IF THEY ARE SERIOUS IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. (please elaborate further. how will we know you are SERIOUS enough?!)
L. Girls couldn't get less serious-er when it comes to relationships. They almost always give their all, but some guys just can't appreciate that.
13. Guys think way too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she can't notice it can make the guy think about it for HOURS, trying to figure out what it meant. (shet. wa nah. laki na jugh kau ko ani. grh.)
M. Girls can be very tactless sometimes and sometimes they just say things that are completely meaningless.
14. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused. (kami pod btaw. mas nahan me og opinion sa mga guys for the same reason. naa kay point. apiirrr!)
N. A good guy friend's advice is always helpful. It makes girls see things in a different light, in a man's point of view although not totally.
15. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me." (murag i don't agree. i think they really need some alone time when they say this. who knows?!)
O. When a girl asks you to leave her alone, SHE REALLY WANTS YOU TO STAY!
16. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. (yeah, like something REALLY serious?!)
P. If a girl starts to talk seriously, she's really, really, super serious. Don't fool around. She might leave you in the scene.
17. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you. (di ko ka relate. faet. but you just gave me an idea.)
Q. It is never easy for a girl to see her best friend with another girl, but eventually, she'll get the hang of it.
18. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them. (hmmm... i think the reason why a guy would stop calling a girl beautiful when she says she's really not is that it makes him think this girl is not really confident with how she looks. well guys, we can't help it!"
R. Girls just want to feel the most beautiful & gorgeous of all... So stop telling her she's beautiful, instead just don't look at other girls when you're with your girlfriend. It makes her feel she's not good enough.
19. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking of something. (yeah? something like... "HEY, WE SHOULD BREAK UP." ouchy!)
S. When a girl stares at you she's simply thinking of you and her and the rest of your lives... TOGETHER.
20. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do. (hahah! maka insecure noh?)
T. Girls don't like guys who wouldn't know how to defend themselves. They also don't like guys who get unreasonably aggressive.
21. A GUY HAS MORE PROBLEMS THAN YOU SEE WITH YOUR NAKED EYES. (that's why most guys resort to suicide.)
U. Girls would love it when guys tell them "I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME". It makes her feel that she's really part of your life.
22. Don't be a snob. Guys an be intimidated and give up easily. (unsa? ingon palang easy girl. aw.)
V. Don't be too aggressive. Girls will think of you as someone who has potentials to become a STALKER and they simply do not want that (although it can be a little flattering SOMETIMES, but it's just FREAKIER than flattering most of the time.)
23. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. (right. like about that hot new girl in the office.)
W. Girls will talk about you shamelessly to their FAMILIES, RELATIVES, and FRIENDS.
24. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more. (who loves rejection?)
X. Girls hate being rejected and being made to believe that you like them when you really don't.
25. If you are going to reject a guy, JUST DO IT. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you. (yeah. baby don't you break my heart slow ang drama.)
Y. If you don't like a girl, if you like her friend, if you see her just as a friend, don't be too sweet or too nice to her... because she might take that as some sign of you really being into her.
26. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are madly confusing, but somehow are drawn even more to them. (o. makabogo jugh na ang mga bae. mao na ni exist ang rainbow gender.)
Z. Girls really wish that they can understand guys more.
27. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible. (or gusto na syang ma deado dayon? ayaw pod pirmeha oiii.)
0. Girls just want to be with guys as much as possible... NO MATTER WHAT. Girls can really get impulsive and irrational.
SADLY.So there goes. The funny battle between two creatures that hates each other so much they can't exist without the other. P.SI just got this from a friend's bulletin post in Friendster. I'm pretty sure a lot of you may have already read this from forwarded emails or some other blogs. I "copy-pasted" this and gave it a little twist (my own thoughts on purple!)
-tSin If I can't have you, I'd rather be like you...
Tonight I can cry the saddest tears, The kind of tears that would leave the hole in my heart emptier and wider. The night is shattered and he is near me. And that is all.
And tonight I might have to cry the saddest tears, For in his eyes I see, I see that love he had, or that love that he might still have. To think that I have him, to know that I will lose him.
Tonight I can let these thoughts hover in the corners of my mind: That tonight I love him, but he does not love me, not even for one time.
A song plays in the distance.
My soul is in anguish for he can never be mine, My mind is spent with just the thought of fighting, The sight of him illuminates the darkness
But then he is not mine. He won't accept me as his. He is for another. Another's in one way or the other.
Tonight I can cry the saddest tears, To know that I have him near me, but never with me, To hear the coolness in his words All loose, unfelt.
I cannot say I love him, that's certain, But beyond words, I am wishing I could. Love is too soon, perfection is even impossible.
What does it matter that my love cannot keep him, He hasn't even been mine yet and I have already lost him.
Those eyes, those lips.
They can only be with me for so long. Close enough to feel, but never to touch. That somehow he has taken me into his arms to wonder If it could ever be me and him.
The music trails off.
My soul is in anguish for he can never be mine And although I have to cry the saddest tears I cannot help but rejoice for that one moment, For the nights, like this, that he'd kept my eyes dry.
-tSin
08 | 28 | 08
NOTE: This was inspired by one of Pablo Neruda's Poem - Tonight I Can Write.
a conversation... GF: are you happy with me? BF: uh... sure. like some 70 or 85 percent. GF: you're not sure...? BF: it'd be too early for that conclusion. GF: right. so you're... sort of happy with me. BF: yeah. GF: am i good for you? BF: in a way, you are. GF: *sighs* thanks. do you wish there's something more...? BF: hmmm... yes. GF: oh! what is it? BF: i wish i love you. ...in my head. I still find it amusing how we can want someone who will never feel the same way for us and vice versa and worse, hold on to that pain. You can't pretend it's amazing... all the time. Tsk.
Your solar, bipolar Panic disorder Seems harder and harder and harder Still you try to control it -Blue October, X Amount of Words
I was waiting at the bus stop, standing by the shade of a worn-out building post... waiting for the God-knows-where-exactly-from-Asia-hand-me-down bus. It was a few minutes after seven in the morning and I was already almost irritated that it hasn't come yet - I was about to be late for work and I couldn't take a cab because it would cost me a day's pay to do so. So I waited. Then there came this lady, with a cup of some drink from McDonald's in her left hand, and a big brown bag clutched tightly and closely to her right. Her hair was neatly cut short, shining as the sun hit it from where she stood - which is just about a good two feet away from me . Her nails were a bright neon pink. Her back was turned on me, but I could tell she was fighting off some tension. She squinted at the sunlight, took a sip from her soda, and sniffed. I didn't want to stare at her, afraid that I might get caught while so doing, but I couldn't stop it. There was just something about her - some faint facade of mystery - the kind of mystery that my curiosity couldn't shy away from. I continued to watch her seemingly numbered activities. Every now and then she would glance at her watch, sniff, stare at the busy road (and I could tell that we were waiting for the same thing), and sip again. It could've been a ten minute ritual as though she was preparing for something, like a prayer meeting or some ancient to-be-get-readied-for event. And then she looked up the road again and at her watch, thinking that it might take longer for the bus to come she searched her gigantic bag. Her slender fingers came back out with a white stick and then she stuffed one end of the stick to her mouth and took another purple rectangle shaped box. A cigarette. A lighter. She lit it... hesitantly and not looking up even for a second. I was all the more curious and intrigued as the scent of the newly lighted cigar filled the air (and tickling my nose for a bit), and the swirling white smokes danced over her head meeting the morning sun's biting heat. She blew on it a couple of times now eyeing almost every corner of the place. I could tell she was nervous and... watchful. As though looking out for someone who'd tap her shoulder and tell her: "OOPS! CAUGHT YOU!" After a few puffs, her shoulders relaxed, and she stood straighter now than she already was.
The sidewalk at this time of the day is busy. Every now and then some student, some passerby, would pause for a while and watch her with the smoke in her hand. A mother with her daughter passed by and the mother said: "SAYANG." The lady never heard that of course, her ipod was closely stuck to her ears as though they have been there since she was born. "SAYANG." The word rang inside my ears again like somebody just hit the replay button. I stared at her. Yes. She is lovely - no, actually, she is beautiful (even from where I stood I could tell that she is) - she looked smart, her pants fit her perfectly (you can hardly see any girl now whose pants would fit perfectly!), her hair was a faded auburn almost hazel. I don't know her, but it looks like she could be the quintessence and epitome of perfection -- IF ONLY I COULD SEE HER FACE, HER EYES MOST ESPECIALLY. "SAYANG." The word rang through a third time. Why did that mother ever thought of that or even be bold enough to say that out loud? Is it because she saw the stain of cigarette in this goddess? Does that really make her less of a person? Why do we have to judge people by their habits, like this lady's puffing? What if she was only smoking to ease her + tension? What if she was having a bad time and only smokes whenever she does - yeah, not everyday? Humans can get really so judgemental sometimes. We let what our eyes see define who or what the person is which is undeniably wrong. But what about the things that we don't see? They can be worse. This lady might be smoking and might be drinking booze all night long on Saturdays, but then she could also be a dedicated student leader (or some leader per se), she could be a very loving daughter and sister or wife, she could be a very good friend, she could be a very providing mother. See? We don't have the right to judge people in whatever way, whatever reason there is. Whatever they do... there must be some good reason behind it and just like all of us, they don't have to explain it to everyone else.
I couldn't remember how long I've waited and stood there and stared at her like that and contemplated on that fact... It made all the waiting bearable - to have had something to think about. At some point of that time, I felt the urge to reach out to her and probably try to get her into a conversation, but I let my imagination run without trying because itwill definitely freak her out if I did. She shot me a quick glance and I felt the colors on my cheeks burn. Impossible! And then the foreign characters of the bus front appeared into view just as I thought I was about to have been asked to explain my distant and observant stare. Whew! Saved! At least. She ransacked her bag again for a perfume this time and she sprayed it on herself generously - the air suddenly smelled like green mangoes. She bowed her head down as though in a prayer, returned the bottle of perfume inside her bag, and hailed her right slender hand for the bus to stop. Her image will forever be etched in my memory.
