Happy National Heroes Day

Guess it's too bad,
that everything we have is taken away.
~Story of the Year, And The Hero Will Drown

23:11:51 | 08.31.09 | trying to convince myself

The day is about to end and minutes from now it will finally be September! Yaay! I can smell... Christmas! :D I'm just dropping by to leave a very short blog to commemorate the country's "National Heroes Day". Well, actually, it was really yesterday but then the President called this day off for the whole country to celebrate and have another loong weekend. Lucky kids. As for us who works even on holidays... Lucky, too! Cuz we get paid double! HAHA!

I'm not really a hero-fan kind of person, but at least I do know that Jose Rizal doesn't look like Emilio Aguinaldo for crying out loud. I was watching the news earlier this evening and there were some people who were rallying somewhere in the capital city of the country and they were holding or wearing masks of some of the National Heroes. One was asked if she knew who the hero was and she was like: "Um... Emilio Aguinaldo? Ewan... Hindi ko alam, eh!" (TRANSLATION: "Um... Emilio Aguinaldo? I don't know!") Seriously?! Is Emilio Aguinaldo even a national hero?! And what the hell were they thinking rallying up not even knowing what they are actually rallying for? I think our heroes deserve a better unpaid recognition. *sigh*

And if you ask me, who my favorite hero is... I honestly don't have a favorite hero. All of them have been great in bringing back our freedom and I'm really thankful for their bravery - but sadly, I can't seem to choose a favorite. I swear, while I was on the jeepney on my way to the office, I was running through all the heroes that I could remember, but none of them would enter my mind or touch my heart as to say. So, it could be all of them or none at all. Hmm... if I do not like any hero at all does that make me an ungrateful citizen of this country? Tell me.

half hour and losing,

-tSin

Do You Wanna Come Over and Kill Some Time?

To be lost in the forest, to be caught adrift
You've been trying to reach me, you bought me a book
~Bloc Party, This Modern Love

08.29.09 | 01:34:08 | august rush

I know my birthday was already a few months back and Christmas is still going to be some good three or four months from today, but I think Santa knew I've been a really good kid cuz somebody The Boyfriend just said in the middle of nowhere as we were walking hand in hand that he was going to buy me a new pair of shoes/sandals. And the conversation:

ME: Serious?!
HE: Yes.
ME: Why?
HE: Because I just want to.
ME: Really?
HE: Yeah. I think I promised you a while back that I was gonna get you some new shoes and it's been a long time ago... I guess it's time.
ME: Hmmm... I thought it was a bag.
HE: That's another thing. Come on, let's go get you new shoes.
ME: *wide smile* OK!

Haha! I swear I didn't remember him promising me anything about a new pair of shoes, but I guess he really wanted to get me a present though. :D Well just in time though, because my favorite step-on (the one that I was actually wearing when we bought the new shoes) already gave in to age. But I think a little sewing can still fix it! I just love those step-ons that no matter how old they look I still would want to wear them.

Aren't they lovely? Yup! They are some cute wedgish (is there such a word, really?) step-on! Thanks to The Boyfriend for being so thoughtful, thoughtful, thoughtful! *kisses* Please don't mind my cracked toes, I know they're ugly! I'll be beautifying them by the weekend - I PROMISE! Prolly gonna paint them red, too! RED! Just reminded me... The Boyfriend was really eyeing this red flats with diamonds on the straps yesterday and I could feel that he really wanted those flats for me, but I don't feel comfortable wearing them so I told him I couldn't take those although I also kind of fancy the design and the color (red)... I just couldn't. It was too expensive to be bought and not worn at all. It did take me about half an hour and I had to try on some five pairs before I finally decided to take this from PeopleRPeople - the old step-on was bought from the same store, too!

The Boyfriend has been really nice to me these days and I love it. Haha! He even treated me to Shanghai Bay so that I could satisfy my craving for Sweet and Sour pork and I did have my fill - I was instantly a happy kid! Actually, I think I even ate a little way too much cuz I was almost out of breath the time I finished eating - no I didn't eat like a glutton! I ate with grace and a pace like a French princess. I even had a fresh Buko juice to finish up and it was all so refreshing really! The walk and hunt for the sandals (and a polo-shirt for The Boyfriend) afterwards were necessary to burn the calories that we've taken. Seriously, if I live a life like this every single day how would I ever, ever lose any weight at all?! Help help help! I need to lose weight and I'm so so so dead serious about that! Yes, a gym grant would surely work and I would definitely accept without further ado! Hahaha! That's how desperate I am and I guess you could tell by the previous entries - I couldn't help complaining about the weight gain! Who's fault is this? MINE? Uh...

Ok. Ok. It's the weekend finally and there are some movies out in the cinema to be watched. Public Enemies, anyone? Will that be worth watching in the theatres or is just good for some Saturday dvd-marathon kind of stuff? Hmmmm... What I really want to do this weekend is go to the airport and if only I have the money to splurge I'd choose a random city (probably, the cheapest one!) to fly to and spend the weekend there! Surprise! I think that should be every person's dream and I think I should go and add that to "THE THINGS I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE LIST". =)

I could just imagine myself standing infront of this with my backpack on wondering where I'd be going. *sigh* Oh well, finally, it's the weekend. Have fun lushes! :)

By the way, I won't be seeing the Doctor later! Yay! He's flying out of town and hasn't confirmed our next meeting just yet! I love delaying tactics! :D

hey lush, have fun, it's the weekend,

-tSin

Hot Hot! :)

Yes yes! This kid definitely deserves her own space and entry here in my blog because she just took my heart completely with her! After my friend JC posted this link on his FB, I just couldnt' stop watching it! She sooo reminds me of my niece Ashley -- I miss her! I guess I will just have to watch this video so I won't miss her very much! source. Have a good laugh and enjoy! I'm sure you are going to love her, too! Btw, she's just 4 yo!

the irony,

-tSin

Tragic a'la madness and concrete Coca Cola execution.

What's the latest way that a man can die
Screaming hallelujah?
~Green Day, The Static Age

08.28.09 | 02:34: 24 | what kluges can tell you

It is somewhat depressing how I've seriously gained weight and gone wider down the hip bones. And as though the fact that I have bloated is not traumatizing enough both my mum and pop couldn't keep themselves from reminding me how fat chubby I have become. Last weekend I went to this party of an old high school friend and all the people there have noticed that I have gained about 10 lbs from the last time they saw me (I swear it's just my hips getting wider by the second, really!).And how I want to pierce their eyes everytime it hovers on my bloating stomach! Ugh. I seriously need to lose weight, but I can't seem to stop eating! Is this some eating disorder of some sort or something? Just when I finally got myself hooked to Coke Zero I am now forced to give it up because no matter how convincing it may sound that it's really zero calorie or what not... it's still soda and it's still not going to help me in losing weight. Later on, I would have to give up on the chips and dessert and some other food... or I might just give up eating! As though eating healthy could help me up with my savings. Never really. Eating healthy is just very expensive - like super! It is not easy to live the healthy way, but I want to roam the streets of the world for a longer time so I will have to sacrifice and spend whatever cash is left of me to eating healthy. Btw, The Boyfriend couldn't help staring at my once-triangle-now-round-face-according-to-him.

Anyhooser too much about me rambling about my very depressing weight gain... On a lighter note, last weekend Officemates and I went to Tabuelan for the quarterly (seems like) team building with a budget provided by the company of course! Not much but enough to get us a room for a night and an overflowing supply of food! And these are just some of it!

grilled pork belly and fish!
put on the garnishing for the pork belly
and made it more colorful and inviting! heheh...

the couple cooks!
my dearest friend Julie
finally found the love of her life (hopefully!:D)

There's nothing very special about the place really, but it does give you that peaceful provincial feeling which you can enjoy and savor while thinking forgetting for a day or two the busy city life. I am also not a very big fan of the northern shores so my judgement might be a little biased here. Here are a few photos of the place and you can see for yourself ;)

there's the beach and look at those clouds
forming the gates to heaven! :D

the shoreline in the morning...
the water gets really far during low tide
and it doesn't come back to shore until about 10 in the morning
seems like a regular thing.

sadly, the sunrise doesn't show up
in this part of the world... it does look gloomy
but it's not!

And yes, no photos of the sunset again because... I think you already might have an idea. Oh well, after a few good shots of heart-warming and head-thudding liquor I passed out with an excuse to go to the room to have my camera battery charged! I was later found sprawled like a dead oil on the bed with my swim wear on! Haha! Good thing they were all too tired to take a picture of me sleeping! I slept for about four hours and woke up just before dinner got served. It's crazy how I can no longer vividly remember what we did or ate for dinner that night... I was all too groggy! Even the shower didn't wake me up completely at all!

The next day we walked around the place and honestly, I thought I would be able to run but due to my laziness I let my chance slip away! Phew! Good thing though that we played the classic game of patintero once everybody was up. It was pretty exhausting but all worth it cuz we scored with a proud one and a zero to our dearest opponents! *grins*

Sweating our hearts out in action! :)

After a couple of rounds we had to end the game because all of us were already gasping for breath and air and oxygen and we were all very hungry - we only had a sip of Milo before we went on for the game. Corned beef and egg omelettes were served for breakfast! And then our number one time-eater followed. KARAOKE until our company service came to fetch us to bring us back to the city and reality.

Sure, it was a short vacation - not even a vacation really - but it did give us some time to unwind and forget our busy corporate lives for twenty-four hours! :D See all of our photos here and enjoy! This little kid right here also made our team building really fun with her cuteness!

this is Juno's daughter Xierra
the newest contractual member of the Dispatch team.
haha! kidding! isn't she oh-so-adorable?!

And this is me right here saying goodbye to Coke Zero... for real.


goodbye Coke Zero, good-bye,

-tSin

The Breakup Song.

You don't know me
And you don't even care
She said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains
~Augustana, Boston

08.27.09 | 10:10:18 | bitter cuz you're uninvited

Dear Dr W.B.

Hi it's me. Do you remember me? I guess you do. I don't think you are that old to forget just yet and besides it's only been a month and a week since the last time you saw me. You do remember me. I was that girl who sent you an SMS for help with a very big hope that you will be able to revive me. Guess what, Doc? You did revive me. Thank you so much.

So Doc, you're probably wondering why I am writing to you today. It may seem odd really, but I do feel like writing you would be the most appropriate thing to tell everything if not partly the things that I have been keeping from you. Yesterday, The Boyfriend reminded me that we are due to meet you this coming Saturday. I was perplexed. Oh don't get me wrong Doc, it's not that I don't want to see you because I don't like you or you have bad breath or your office seems to be too small for you and your patients... It's just that, honestly with all honesty, I am never comfortable with talking about things that bother me. You're really ok and all and I like you as much as The Boyfriend does and that if only I weren't the patient I'd look forward to every time I'd meet you, but that's just not my case. I find it really awkward to be sitting there in front of you, holding my breath as you'd run to your list of questions to check on me. If you want to know about that guy whom you really think triggered everything that has happened, for the nth time Doc, we're ok. We're good. We're very good friends just like before. As for my dad staying with us, I take back what I said, I'm happy he's back with us. Now we already have fences surrounding our house - thanks to Pop we now have a deep feeling of security and privacy plus I have been gaining weight with all of the yummyness of his cookings. As for my family, they're still the same, I'm still the same with them. I still wake up with my P500 lost from my wallet that's been tucked in safely, I thought, with me. My mom still couldn't help depending on me for some of the financial stuff as though I am a money-mill. My siblings remain to be ungrateful or I'm just probably sleeping too much. I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter as I always tell you because I love them and they mean the world to me that no matter what they do, no matter how many times they break my heart or steal take my money they will still be my family. I still wouldn't exchange them for anything at all. NO. As for my job, there are times that I feel unhappy because I feel like I am in a standstill and I don't understand why. Probably because I've been doing the same thing all over again -- all routine finally losing its magic. Although I am not thinking of finding another job or moving to a different position... I am not satisfied as well of what or where I am now, career-wise. Strange, but I'm too lazy to even move a muscle. It's sad. I am doing every possible way to ignore the thought though and I have been convincing myself crazy that I love my job (which is really true) and that I am enjoying every moment (not really every) of it!

I am also looking forward to going back to school by the opening of the next semester on October or November. I know it's going to add much load to my daily living and I'm not sure if it's going to be a good or bad thing... I think it should be both. Good thing because finally I'd be back to school and will finally finish my course in psychology. Bad because I've been used to be sleeping the whole day mostly after work ever since I came back from my fateful two weeks of medication I don't think I'd be able to stay up for another three or more hours especially with the burning heat. I could just wish for now the acs in the classroom would work full blast to appease me! Otherwise, I'd be running away and I'd be back to being an OSY.

Moving on Doc, I want to assure you that I am now 101% ok. I am back to my old self, I think even better because I am now more in control with my emotions and my reactions to the world and to the people around me. And btw, I have stopped drinking the medicines that you have prescribed me because they make me feel sleepy all of the time. There was even this one time when I was almost tempted to stay home sick again, I seriously needed to cut off the meds. No, I am not trying to prove anything at all Doctor, I just want to be drug-independent and not that there's anything about me that I need to prove anyway. Ok, maybe just a bit. Human pride, Doc. It partly makes us alive. So there. What I am trying to say is that I don't want anymore to have talking sessions with you. I'm really sorry but it's just really awkward and you've started asking me for a PF, you never did before, didn't you? Now, I am curious... what made you do so? And also, I would like to ask you to stop prescribing me the meds already. The yellow one just tastes like rust really and it makes me feel degraded every time I take them. Please Doctor? You've done a very good job on reviving me and I could never thank you enough, but please just release me and make me live normally again. PLEASE!

Nevertheless, I would like to thank you for being soooo, so, so patient with me! For talking to me even though I was very unresponsive to the point of not even recognizing what you were blabbering about. For not charging too much. For being really nice. For believing in me because if you didn't I might already be stuck in the asylum now. For putting "Insomnia" as your diagnosis of me instead of putting there the truth - I know you really are concern of my welfare as well as my career. For comforting my family, The Boyfriend and his family in the times when I couldn't anymore comfort them. For praying for me, I know you really did. I will never ever forget you and I will always remember you to be that man who talked me out of madness not the Doctor who gave me piles of RX for the medication. Yes, it was you and your belief in me that cured me not the medications. Thank you so much Doctor.


in whichever name you'd know me,

-tSin

That When I Am Not With You, You Are Against Me.

I swear no matter how hard I try not to think of negative thoughts... sometimes I just couldn't help myself - if I do not think of them consciously they find their way into my dreams. It is disturbing and most of the time exhausting. I want to stop thinking too much and feel more. I want to be real... simon-pure as gold. I want to be something more, not famous-kind-of-something-more, but just something more and I'm not sure. It is crazy, I know, but that is what I want. The thought of running away never leaves me... whenever I am hurt or angry I just want to leave, escape. I believe it's just really better that way. To pack up, leave tip-toeing before the sun rises, and never look back to the life that I'd be leaving behind. I still don't have any sense of direction. I still don't know what I want to do with my life exactly. I don't like it because it makes me feel worthless. Sure, I wanna go back to school (I SERIOUSLY REALLY WANT TO) but I am afraid... I am just not seeing any future... yet.

Deepest *sigh*.

I wanna go home. But where is home? :(

-tSin

As Promised!

Sleep tonight

And may your dreams

Be realized

If the thundercloud

Passes rain

~U2, MLK

23:23:24 | 08.25.09 | hello the ashtray girl

27^th Aug the Whole World is waiting for.............

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles off earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth has 2 moons.

The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.

Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again.

FOR REAL?! Haven't you heard about that Mars-going-near-the-earth story some 2 or 3 years ago???Hmmm... I wonder if that's really true and even if it was I don't think I would ever have the chance to see such phenomena cuz I'm pretty sure it's gonna rain once Earth smells Mars. It's probably allergic to it. ;p

***

Remember what I promised on my last entry? :) Yes, yes! Photos of my Bohol-Panglao Island (and more!) vacation! I know this is already a very late post almost rancid if this was food! Heheh! But nothing's gonna stop me from sharing my photos from the said vacation! Why? Because it was probably one of the best vacations I've ever had in the entire twenty plus years of my life! Although it was quite an expensive one, it was still fun and nothing could ever repay fun - not at all. It was also good to be staying in the island for two straight days with no worries and feeling like rich kids for a moment. :) Even the rainy Sunday weather didn't stop us from exploring the other surrounding islands of Panglao or Bohol. It was definitely an adventure with only the four of us -RV, Yo, Tim, and me- in a not very large pump boat braving the harsh sea filled with seemingly gigantic waves! In case you're wondering what got me to Bohol on a rainy August, we were there to celebrate Yo's 23rd birthday. Now the photos? Yes? Yes!

On the first day, Saturday, August 15, we familiarized ourselves with the place. We arrived in Panglao island at about 3P.M and went straight to our hotel, the Alona Kew White Beach Resort. I liked it very much! Probably not the nicest place to stay in the island but the people there were really great and nice and courteous plus our rooms were really comfortable (although not airconditioned! heheh...). Well, in the unfortunate times of recession, comfort and convenience is all that matters!

Photos of our room and the beach (or the quay! well, with all of those boats parked right there

who wouldn't mistake them for a quay?!).

We also decided to take it slow and easy on the first day so as not to overwhelm our already giddy selves. I went around the area and found some masseuse and got excited with the idea of getting a massage by the beach! I havent' slept a bit since I went straight to the port for my one hour and forty-five minutes trip from my shift the previous night. The massage at P250.00 for each of us will really be a good way to unwind after a very stressful week! And The Boyfriend offered to treat me for massage cuz he knows I'm a total sucker for such! Hoorah FREE massage! =)

Yo asleep with the bliss of the massage!

Tim and his masseuse looking at the camera, expectant already

for that shot :D

And me of course! Totally enjoying the massage! Especially when my

own masseuse worked on my head - it was like all the stress from all of my body

went out!

After the heavenly massage I fell asleep for about three hours before dinner was served and The Boyfriend woke me up with the dinner menu. Hearing the word "grilled" I immediately jumped out of the bed on cue and ran into the shower for a quick bath before heading to the beachside.

The food was good and eating by the beachside made the dinner even more sumptuous! There were also some men who serenaded us over dinner. Forgive me for the lack of word, but I honestly really don't know what they are called exactly. They were really good and even sang that ever famous Yoyoy Revillame song - Bochikik. We couldn't help singing with them ourselves! Haha! Afterwards, Yo and I went to the pool for a quick dip (no photos cuz RV didn't upload the photos from his camera yet). We only swam for like fifteen minutes and the rest of the evening was spent listening to some good live music from a resort nearby. I should say the singer of the band and the band, actually, was good as in really, really good! Although the singer has to work on some of his diction. :S But in fairness, they were really good they could lull me to sleep by the bay in a good way! They do know how to play their instruments, too. So there! We were just starting to enjoy listening to them when the rain started to pour leaving us with no choice but to retreat to our rooms and hope and pray that God will give us good weather the next day since we were planning to watch dolphins at the break of dawn.

On the second day, Sunday, August 16, I pulled the curtains open to check the weather. Lo and behold! Gray skies said good morning to me and I then shook The Boyfriend awake and told him of the bad news. He couldn't help groaning with frustration and I tried to cheer him up and convince him that it's going to be alright and that the sun will come out in a matter of minutes and that it was too early to worry. It was already 5:30 AM. The boat was scheduled to pick us up at about the same time. The vaporous air outside confirmed the gloomy weather and I couldn't help but sigh. It's definitely goodbye dolphins or rather, goodbye dolphin watching. :(

Heartbroken by the news, we ate our breakfast sullen. And funny RV was like, "Feast on! This could be our last meal!" Haha! I know. Crazy. The four of us were quite dubious as to pushing through with the island hopping sans the dolphin watching (with the sea as disturbed, I doubt if the dolphins would ever leave their place in the sea just to put on a show for us) because the sea really looked bad with the threatening waves and all! We had to ask the locals if it was safe to sail and they were confident enough to assure us that we can still go island hopping and get back to the resort alive and complete! We decided to take their word for it and we found ourselves on a pumpboat jumping on and dodging the waves.

us having breakfast.

pineapples and watermelons

and hotdogs and marmalades!

nyam!

not really something that could turn our knees into butter, right?

So where did we go? We insisted to find some dolphins and after almost an hour of hunting and hoping for dolphins to come out and sail with us... we gave up. Our first stop: Balicasag Island. I had so much fun feeding the fishes with some onion flavoured skyflakes! And it felt so wonderful to be swimming, head to head, with them! I almost didn't want to leave or stop swimming with them. Heheh... Too bad we didn't have an underwater camera to capture the moment with them fishes. :( Anyhooser, here are some photos of us in the island:

getting ready and securing ourselves for a rough sail!

the island and the guides: the locals who takes the

guests to the fish sanctuary via banca at Php150.00 per person

and that's good to sawa. makes it all worth it!

taking a break and I say: GOD BLESS AMERICA FOR LAY'S! :D

The Boyfriend striking a pose with the locals

random photos from Balicasag Island. :)

Our next stop: the Virgin Island. I heard a guide from another group of guests said something about the original name of the island but I guess I was too taken by the sight of the place that it didn't really register at all. A little background on the Virgin Island? It is said that the island may be 250 meters and 50 meters wide during low tide. And it looks like this:

yes, like a desert with an oasis! :) and that's Yo right there.

this is right at the middle of the sea -

so when it's high tide this area should really be filled with water.

the tree that caught our fancy.

we couldn't stop taking photos in this spot! :)

more photos plus the birch tree kid...

isn't she lovely and cute and adorable? :D

these photos were taken by our boatman.

lovely!

After having our fill of poses and photographs we finally decided to call it a day and went back to our resort. I missed the sunset again cuz I fell asleep and woke up at about 9pm this time almost missing dinner! RV, The Boyfriend and I stayed up until about 12 midnight after dinner. Yo was too tired to stay up with us so she retired to bed first. We hung out by the shore and again listened to that live music that was offered by the resort next to ours. And same as the previous night they played some really feel-good music and we all went to sleep with smiles on our faces. Heheh.

On the last day, Monday, August 17, The Boyfriend and I woke up earlier than the other couple - as usual. And I put on the swimsuit that I've probably reserved for this day. I've bought this some months ago and didn't really get the chance to wear it until our last day in Panglao!

Isn't that cute? It's a one piece suit and it's really sexy!

And The Boyfriend, I think, likes it, too. Heheh... We went for a swim a bit and had breakfast. Later on RV and Yo joined us, but Yo didn't spend much time in the sun anymore cuz she said she's too burnt from the swim yesterday. I watched the boys play in the sand and they also built some sandcastles!

hahah! kids!

yeah, I gave them the freedom to feel like kids for a while :)

now they're starting to build the castles!

and I couldn't help disturbing them!

hehe...

The Boyfriend's Pyramids in Bohol

RV's stained glass castle (I made up the name!)

And then it was finally time to go. RV and Yo had to go home first because my trip back home doesn't leave until about four in the afternoon and of course, The Boyfriend had to stay with me. We waited at the Island City Mall and checked out how much they charge for the cinemas. And the moment we found out that the most expensive is only at P90.00 we then decided to give it a go and we watched G.I Joe. On the movie: not as impressive as they said it was. Or probably we were just expecting too much.

So there you go. A share of my Bohol vacay. Whew! Were they very loaded with photos? Not? You can view the rest of the photos in my multiply site: cheezenibbles.multiply.com. Although you will still need to log in to view my photos - I have kept them private since... since! :p

I hope you enjoyed the photos. And you should go visit Panglao, too! There's this 5-star resort there named Eskaya which is really, really nice. You can stay there if you can afford to and it will be very, very worth it! :D

do you need a break?

~tSin

And When I Write.

Let the meaning slip away

Lost my faith in another day,

Self deprication seems okay,

I never thought I'd make it anyway

~Less Than Jake, The Science of Selling Yourself Short

08.22.09 | 07:20:33 | i'm my own worst enemy

So I was cleaning up my mailbox and stumbled upon some old writings of mine. I should say they were really crazy and very teenag-y. Hahah! Sure, I made that word up. =p Well, being an ugly duckling back then I couldn't help myself from suffering from a hundreds of heartbreaks. And yeah, it's crazier how I never seem to learn my lesson. Oh well, being the curious me? I'd rather really take risks than be stuck in some void and a series of what-if-sessions with myself. Here's a sample of one of the poems I've written when I was heartbroken.

Broken

His lips still fondle my ears,

His laughter still mimics the bluish sky,

His voice rings clear though distantly,

His hands I hold in vain.

My eyes wander through

Searching for that one face I know.

His name I scream so he could hear

But he remains oblivious.

How could I say I accept him?

How could I possibly love him?

I never really know him, only his face,

And the memories have been relinquished.

He lied and that couldn’t be denied.

He left and now I am bereft.

I know that I could never find again

The man who I once loved so much

I wonder who that was for. Haha! I swear, I couldn't really remember anymore. I guess that's because I've fallen in and out of love sooo many times in the past I've lost count of all the men whom I have passed by! *sniggers* One weird trivia about me: I could hardly write at all when I am very happy or when I'm really in love. And if you ask me why... err - I am so sorry. I really don't know why! :o

And here's another poem that I've found... (yet another crazy one!)

No one understands the language I use.

No one can decipher the codes that I give.

Interpretation of my works would only mean insult.

Misconception of it would be a curse to him who reads it.

He deems understanding, but he really doesn’t.

He triumphs over symbols inferred, but aware not of his error.

Many had failed and no one has yet succeed

To give the meaning to such works that even I cannot recognize.

The epithet could make you lose your interest.

The content could baffle your confounded mind.

The whole of it can make you lose your sanity.

But you will not be able to forget nor remember any of it.

For when I write, I write it for no one.

And when I write, I write it because of someone.

For when my desire to write overflows

I write - and write it for you to read.

Nobody knows why the milieu of my verses is such.

Nobody knows just why it’s there.

Remember how you laughed until you cried?

It was because you just felt like doing so.

Just like when I write and write it for no one.

Some are for and some are for not.

I write because I feel my pen grip the insides of my palm.

I write because I felt like doing so.

And when I write you’ll be frustrated.

And when I write you’ll swear to hate me.

And when I write you’ll never know

That the poem I wrote was for no one, but you.

That should be it for now. I've got to head home and get some sleep because I am going to have a very busy weekend! Busy as it was laid back the last. Btw, I'm gonna post some photos of my weekend vacay in Bohol here in my next entry. I promise! :D

I could be an expert on co-dependency,

~tSin