You don't know me
And you don't even care
She said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains
~Augustana, Boston
08.27.09 | 10:10:18 | bitter cuz you're uninvited
And you don't even care
She said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains
~Augustana, Boston
08.27.09 | 10:10:18 | bitter cuz you're uninvited
Dear Dr W.B.
Hi it's me. Do you remember me? I guess you do. I don't think you are that old to forget just yet and besides it's only been a month and a week since the last time you saw me. You do remember me. I was that girl who sent you an SMS for help with a very big hope that you will be able to revive me. Guess what, Doc? You did revive me. Thank you so much.
So Doc, you're probably wondering why I am writing to you today. It may seem odd really, but I do feel like writing you would be the most appropriate thing to tell everything if not partly the things that I have been keeping from you. Yesterday, The Boyfriend reminded me that we are due to meet you this coming Saturday. I was perplexed. Oh don't get me wrong Doc, it's not that I don't want to see you because I don't like you or you have bad breath or your office seems to be too small for you and your patients... It's just that, honestly with all honesty, I am never comfortable with talking about things that bother me. You're really ok and all and I like you as much as The Boyfriend does and that if only I weren't the patient I'd look forward to every time I'd meet you, but that's just not my case. I find it really awkward to be sitting there in front of you, holding my breath as you'd run to your list of questions to check on me. If you want to know about that guy whom you really think triggered everything that has happened, for the nth time Doc, we're ok. We're good. We're very good friends just like before. As for my dad staying with us, I take back what I said, I'm happy he's back with us. Now we already have fences surrounding our house - thanks to Pop we now have a deep feeling of security and privacy plus I have been gaining weight with all of the yummyness of his cookings. As for my family, they're still the same, I'm still the same with them. I still wake up with my P500 lost from my wallet that's been tucked in safely, I thought, with me. My mom still couldn't help depending on me for some of the financial stuff as though I am a money-mill. My siblings remain to be ungrateful or I'm just probably sleeping too much. I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter as I always tell you because I love them and they mean the world to me that no matter what they do, no matter how many times they break my heart orsteal take my money they will still be my family. I still wouldn't exchange them for anything at all. NO. As for my job, there are times that I feel unhappy because I feel like I am in a standstill and I don't understand why. Probably because I've been doing the same thing all over again -- all routine finally losing its magic. Although I am not thinking of finding another job or moving to a different position... I am not satisfied as well of what or where I am now, career-wise. Strange, but I'm too lazy to even move a muscle. It's sad. I am doing every possible way to ignore the thought though and I have been convincing myself crazy that I love my job (which is really true) and that I am enjoying every moment (not really every) of it!
I am also looking forward to going back to school by the opening of the next semester on October or November. I know it's going to add much load to my daily living and I'm not sure if it's going to be a good or bad thing... I think it should be both. Good thing because finally I'd be back to school and will finally finish my course in psychology. Bad because I've been used to be sleeping the whole day mostly after work ever since I came back from my fateful two weeks of medication I don't think I'd be able to stay up for another three or more hours especially with the burning heat. I could just wish for now the acs in the classroom would work full blast to appease me! Otherwise, I'd be running away and I'd be back to being an OSY.
Moving on Doc, I want to assure you that I am now 101% ok. I am back to my old self, I think even better because I am now more in control with my emotions and my reactions to the world and to the people around me. And btw, I have stopped drinking the medicines that you have prescribed me because they make me feel sleepy all of the time. There was even this one time when I was almost tempted to stay home sick again, I seriously needed to cut off the meds. No, I am not trying to prove anything at all Doctor, I just want to be drug-independent and not that there's anything about me that I need to prove anyway. Ok, maybe just a bit. Human pride, Doc. It partly makes us alive. So there. What I am trying to say is that I don't want anymore to have talking sessions with you. I'm really sorry but it's just really awkward and you've started asking me for a PF, you never did before, didn't you? Now, I am curious... what made you do so? And also, I would like to ask you to stop prescribing me the meds already. The yellow one just tastes like rust really and it makes me feel degraded every time I take them. Please Doctor? You've done a very good job on reviving me and I could never thank you enough, but please just release me and make me live normally again. PLEASE!
Nevertheless, I would like to thank you for being soooo, so, so patient with me! For talking to me even though I was very unresponsive to the point of not even recognizing what you were blabbering about. For not charging too much. For being really nice. For believing in me because if you didn't I might already be stuck in the asylum now. For putting "Insomnia" as your diagnosis of me instead of putting there the truth - I know you really are concern of my welfare as well as my career. For comforting my family, The Boyfriend and his family in the times when I couldn't anymore comfort them. For praying for me, I know you really did. I will never ever forget you and I will always remember you to be that man who talked me out of madness not the Doctor who gave me piles of RX for the medication. Yes, it was you and your belief in me that cured me not the medications. Thank you so much Doctor.
in whichever name you'd know me,
-tSin
Hi it's me. Do you remember me? I guess you do. I don't think you are that old to forget just yet and besides it's only been a month and a week since the last time you saw me. You do remember me. I was that girl who sent you an SMS for help with a very big hope that you will be able to revive me. Guess what, Doc? You did revive me. Thank you so much.
So Doc, you're probably wondering why I am writing to you today. It may seem odd really, but I do feel like writing you would be the most appropriate thing to tell everything if not partly the things that I have been keeping from you. Yesterday, The Boyfriend reminded me that we are due to meet you this coming Saturday. I was perplexed. Oh don't get me wrong Doc, it's not that I don't want to see you because I don't like you or you have bad breath or your office seems to be too small for you and your patients... It's just that, honestly with all honesty, I am never comfortable with talking about things that bother me. You're really ok and all and I like you as much as The Boyfriend does and that if only I weren't the patient I'd look forward to every time I'd meet you, but that's just not my case. I find it really awkward to be sitting there in front of you, holding my breath as you'd run to your list of questions to check on me. If you want to know about that guy whom you really think triggered everything that has happened, for the nth time Doc, we're ok. We're good. We're very good friends just like before. As for my dad staying with us, I take back what I said, I'm happy he's back with us. Now we already have fences surrounding our house - thanks to Pop we now have a deep feeling of security and privacy plus I have been gaining weight with all of the yummyness of his cookings. As for my family, they're still the same, I'm still the same with them. I still wake up with my P500 lost from my wallet that's been tucked in safely, I thought, with me. My mom still couldn't help depending on me for some of the financial stuff as though I am a money-mill. My siblings remain to be ungrateful or I'm just probably sleeping too much. I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter as I always tell you because I love them and they mean the world to me that no matter what they do, no matter how many times they break my heart or
I am also looking forward to going back to school by the opening of the next semester on October or November. I know it's going to add much load to my daily living and I'm not sure if it's going to be a good or bad thing... I think it should be both. Good thing because finally I'd be back to school and will finally finish my course in psychology. Bad because I've been used to be sleeping the whole day mostly after work ever since I came back from my fateful two weeks of medication I don't think I'd be able to stay up for another three or more hours especially with the burning heat. I could just wish for now the acs in the classroom would work full blast to appease me! Otherwise, I'd be running away and I'd be back to being an OSY.
Moving on Doc, I want to assure you that I am now 101% ok. I am back to my old self, I think even better because I am now more in control with my emotions and my reactions to the world and to the people around me. And btw, I have stopped drinking the medicines that you have prescribed me because they make me feel sleepy all of the time. There was even this one time when I was almost tempted to stay home sick again, I seriously needed to cut off the meds. No, I am not trying to prove anything at all Doctor, I just want to be drug-independent and not that there's anything about me that I need to prove anyway. Ok, maybe just a bit. Human pride, Doc. It partly makes us alive. So there. What I am trying to say is that I don't want anymore to have talking sessions with you. I'm really sorry but it's just really awkward and you've started asking me for a PF, you never did before, didn't you? Now, I am curious... what made you do so? And also, I would like to ask you to stop prescribing me the meds already. The yellow one just tastes like rust really and it makes me feel degraded every time I take them. Please Doctor? You've done a very good job on reviving me and I could never thank you enough, but please just release me and make me live normally again. PLEASE!
Nevertheless, I would like to thank you for being soooo, so, so patient with me! For talking to me even though I was very unresponsive to the point of not even recognizing what you were blabbering about. For not charging too much. For being really nice. For believing in me because if you didn't I might already be stuck in the asylum now. For putting "Insomnia" as your diagnosis of me instead of putting there the truth - I know you really are concern of my welfare as well as my career. For comforting my family, The Boyfriend and his family in the times when I couldn't anymore comfort them. For praying for me, I know you really did. I will never ever forget you and I will always remember you to be that man who talked me out of madness not the Doctor who gave me piles of RX for the medication. Yes, it was you and your belief in me that cured me not the medications. Thank you so much Doctor.
in whichever name you'd know me,
-tSin
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Share your words of love! To me, to you, to everyone! -♥, tSin