That When I Am Not With You, You Are Against Me.

I swear no matter how hard I try not to think of negative thoughts... sometimes I just couldn't help myself - if I do not think of them consciously they find their way into my dreams. It is disturbing and most of the time exhausting. I want to stop thinking too much and feel more. I want to be real... simon-pure as gold. I want to be something more, not famous-kind-of-something-more, but just something more and I'm not sure. It is crazy, I know, but that is what I want. The thought of running away never leaves me... whenever I am hurt or angry I just want to leave, escape. I believe it's just really better that way. To pack up, leave tip-toeing before the sun rises, and never look back to the life that I'd be leaving behind. I still don't have any sense of direction. I still don't know what I want to do with my life exactly. I don't like it because it makes me feel worthless. Sure, I wanna go back to school (I SERIOUSLY REALLY WANT TO) but I am afraid... I am just not seeing any future... yet.

Deepest *sigh*.

I wanna go home. But where is home? :(

-tSin