YESTERDAY. I like being alone. I hate feeling lonely.

Save me,
I can't be saved,
I won't.
I don't need no love.
I'm a president's son.
~Portugal The Man, People Say

08.13.09 | 02:03:24 | you're only dirty, dirty you ain't beautiful nor rich.

I found an old autograph.
Autograph as in that silly notebook kind of thing where you fill out pages of silly grade schoolish questions albeit fun to fill out, really.
Autograph as in that colorful notebook you would write PLEASE SIGN IN MY AUTOGRAPH! in big bold letters on the fly leaf.
Autograph as in that notebook with the "PLEASE SIGN IN" sign that almost everyone in your class is squirming to fill out!
I found an old autograph.
It gave me a good laugh the way most of us back then answered the questions - all the time taken for thought, for a good answer.
To tell everyone who reads that autograph that one day... "I WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL."
To let everyone who signs it know that... "I'VE GOT A CRUSH ON !@&?%!" or whoever that is.
I found an old autograph.
That autograph was mine, it was issued out on the year of 1997.
I was in 5th grade.
What almost brought me to tears was when I skimmed through the pages and found the part where the stupid autograph notebook asked: "WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?"
I guess something must be very wrong with me back then because none of those who signed in my autograph mentioned me as one of their best friends, not even one, not even put me in there just for the heck of it or for the fact that it was mine and they were given the privilege to sign it (yes, it was a big deal back then to be able to sign in somebody's autograph).
How sad.
How dismaying.
I don't know if I was too kind or was a big braggart during grade school, but I'm pretty sure I've been surrounded mostly with superficial friends.
They just weren't real at all.
I love my friends and didn't even hate them, didn't even hold grudges when they left me just when my life started to fall apart.
I didn't beg for them when they turned their backs on me when I needed them most and all they could give me were letters of pity and endless sorries because they couldn't accept what had happened to me and my family.
I guess it was just a phase, but I should say it was really hard for me.
I'm glad I found my best friend who accepted me for who and what I am.
She took me out of the darkness and took me back into the light.
She was the one who made me face those who have forsaken me in my times of deep need.
And it's funny how I still get along very well with those same people.
I swear, even though I haven't forgotten about the take off, I have no bad feelings towards them at all.
I'm just glad we've grown out of that already and have become very good friends again.
But of course, I'm still keeping my guards up.
Yes, I found an old autograph of mine
Filled with things kids are most fond of writing and/or saying.
I found an old autograph
and I don't feel too old or too friendless at all.

i'm sorry to have rant that way,
~tSin