Excitement in Tranquility.

Photo from briefstories.

I am in a state in my life right now wherein I am so mentally busy - processing and reprocessing a series of things that I haven't fully grasped yet. In fact, I am gasping for breath - every now and then.I've got so many things but on the top of my head I'd still want to do a lot more things, like: jog five times a week, go to dinner with friends, have a chit-chat with random people, write and write and tweet, and go to the mall more often. I think it's my form of rest. I believe that I could still do a lot of things besides my new adventure. I'd like to call it as such... just because. Anyway, I really can't tell you fully about it yet, but here let me give you a peek of what's going on inside of me ;)

05102011

Here’s the answer to my prayers... to my questions. I am finally moving, but where should I start? I’m drowning with ideas that all I could do right now is wish that they don’t clutter up inside my head like the piling number of dishes in our kitchen sink and that my mind won’t blow up with the pressure that I’m pressing too hard on myself. I am truly excited about this but with my excitement also comes numerous bouts of anxieties. Then there are fears: of failing, of not meeting expectations, of not doing the job right and lastly, not getting this job in the end.

I am certainly happy about this new chapter of my life - I mean, doing something different and more than what I am doing right now is really a breakthrough for me. Something that I have been wishing for all of my life and I just want it to be perfect the way I want everything else in my life to be perfect . There are so many things I need to look into, people that I need to brainstorm with, colleagues that I have to share ideas with, give help to and get help from - you know how the two-way street works? That’s right. Aside from  that, I also need to practice a not so new skill, but a skill that I have buried six feet under some time ago... and that’s the skill of being amiable. Because if I can’t be amiable and continue on with my cool, reserved, and seemingly dispassionate self - how will I get others to help me out? How could I get to convince them that I need some help? How could I make them believe that I am truly an advocate to this change that is yet to unfold months from now? That, perhaps, I honestly don’t know what I’m doing? That there are a lot of things that I still need to learn to get through this adventure? Yes. Adventure. It’s lighter that way! That I can be their confidante? That I am willing to help them if they need me? That I am an equally or unequally good person as they are?

I am also very grateful and thankful that I was given this task. I am grateful to my supervisor, to my managers and to everyone who believed in my capability. It’s not always everyday that you get commended for something, right? I am also very thankful to God for hearing my prayers! So... I am taking this opportunity to develop my skills - whatever it is that I have that I am not aware of just yet, learn new things, and interact with a larger number of people. I’m sure it’s going to be amazing and fantastic and fun and awesome!

For sure, not everyone will be pleased and awed with my works, but I will one day conquer the world. Hahaha! That’s silly of me, I know. But  I guess, that’s just the how the world goes. Maybe I could buff my courage up and swallow my pride so I could take all of the criticisms to my advantage, to improve myself (unless... they are way too personal already. If you know what I mean.)

Let this day mark my very first day to my “Adventure”. Let’s roll!

I couldn't wait for the weekend now and numerous other things.

exhaustion is all but in the imagination,

~tSin

Hello.

Hi June...

I could smell the salt and sand.

Reminds me of the song...

I love to singa' about the moona and the Juna and the springa! 

If you don't know this song... it only means you're probably born in the new millennium or you didn't have a childhood. Hahahah! Kidding. This song's from one old school cartoon - about a family of owls which were musically inclined mainly through musical instruments and the classics making poor little Owl Jolson a black sheep because all he could do was sing and dance jazz and his parents just couldn't accept it at all. They forced him to sing some really boring songs that broke Owl's heart everytime - he had to leave to go for what he really loves doing: singing and dancing  to jazz or some upbeat music. Long story short, his parents had to find him because he was after all, different or not, their son. They found him singing in a bar and that's when they told him he's free to do and follow what his heart truly desires and wants. Voila! Happily ever after!

Here's super duper adorable Owl Jolson! ♥

I love June. It's a time of healing, of weddings, of new beginnings, a new year, the beginning of summer on the other side of the planet. Most of all, it is Tim's birthday month - which I am totally excited about! But that would be another story, he constantly reminds me to never be too overly excited about things that are still floating somewhere in space or in another time, things that are just merely  thoughts and ideas and imaginings - it was certainly hard for me at first because I've always been the excited kind of person: very impulsive about almost anything and everything - I realized Tim's right, in a certain way that I probably couldn't fathom as fairly just yet at present.

Moving on, it's also my Blog's birthday. I can't believe this blog has survived almost three years of MIA's, spams of rants, shrieks of laughter and glee, love, and change or changes, even. Maybe one day, more people would celebrate with me in celebrating the arrival of June even though it means rain and clashes of thunder and lightning from where I am right now. There are just so many things I am grateful for - the words would fail how I really feel inside! I feel overwhelmed and content and energized and happy. And no, I'm not doing drugs. I am thankful that God has answered my prayers, that He has given me strength to conquer most of my fears, that He has helped me find refuge and renewal in the most basic commodity known to man  and what one could ever need: SLEEP, and most of all, I am thankful that God surrounded me with very wonderful people - friends, family, and a boyfriend who believes in me and in my capability to be a better person. I definitely love you all!

Now, please do allow me to exit so I could grab a slice of cake for my mini celebration. I just feel so free on June.

Thank you! ♥

come fly with me,

~tSin

No Longer a Baby.

A picture of him when he was still in 1st grade or so.

 My big little brother is all grown up now! 

A picture of him now.

And I think I'm still in this stage wherein I'm accepting that fact, but don't get me wrong. I am very happy that my baby brother is finally growing up and going out of his shell! He's no longer the very aloof and super shy boy he's so known to be! He can now be asked to buy some stuff from the sari-sari store next to our house and that's a really great achievement knowing him - he could stay inside the house all day that our neighbors would never even know he exists! He's already got a girlfriend *sniffs* when in fact he just used to Facebook stalk those pretty ones, but of course, I am still as happy even though it sort of breaks my heart that we (my sisters and I) have now a kahati with his time and attention. Still, I am happy and I am truly praying that his relationship with his girlfriend goes smoothly and if it does not that it will not break his heart into a million irreparable pieces, that he learns from it and move on without holding on any grudges or bitterness at all.

*sighs*

I've been going these things all over and over inside my head and Tim and he'd often tell me that I'm just having this separation anxiety or something. But I don't think so... I'm probably just not used to seeing my brother being so big and tall and sometimes, doing our laundry. Hahahaha! Kidding aside, I am a proud sister because I've witnessed my brother's positive change throughout the years and I hope he continues to progress to the right direction. I also pray that he becomes a wise, God-fearing, loving gentleman and of course, a good citizen of the world (may he follow in my footsteps! Hahahah!). I definitely love my brother so much although I don't tell him as often, but I really, really, really do! 

love you, dong;

~Ate

Here is the Inside of MY Head:

It's a colorful swirl.

And I can't tell you... 

If it's a bad or a good thing.

I realized in the past few days that...

this world...

this life...

is definitely a series of ups and downs and ups and downs.

You could just wish it stays up there in the clouds 

of never-ending high and bliss,

but in reality you just have to get down somehow.

Which is essential so that we may learn from our wrongs 

and avoid repeating it in the future.

Bat for Lashes was right all along when they sang in their song, Sleep Alone, 

that in every high, high, high...

there must be a low, low, low.

But I hope it doesn't work this way.

Like poof! And all the magic's gone.

Because it's dismaying you know.

It is.

Right now, it is sucking me dry of life.

I know I've got to move on.

Say a prayer.

Pat my heart and calm it down while saying...

"Ahl iz well!"

It does work.

only I could frustrate Me,

~tSin

Abandoned.

OH.

MY.

G.

How long has it been? One entry for the month of March?! Guys or girls or gays reading this blog I would accept any punishment as long as it involves ice cream. Well, seriously though... One entry for March and that was my birth month! Gosh! How busy have I been on that month? And having left too many "blank days" (as I would call the skipped pages on my dated journals) on this blog could mean officially calling it... Abandoned Blog. 

What good would my sorry do for? :( But really, I am so very sorry if I've been very boring in the past few weeks. When things like these happen, it could only be because of two things and it's either: Too many things are going on in my life OR Nothing at all (as in zit) is happening in my life. The latter would somehow be a lie though because stressing out on what to eat the minute I wake up is already a happening, right? Or wouldn't you agree?

So... what now? I've already turned 2* (for security reasons, I'd rather not divulge my age ;)) and on the very day of my birthday, on that very morning I was too stressed out I could've broke down if Tim wasn't there to keep me from falling. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have plans. I couldn't imagine nor plan anything lovely for my birthday. I only wanted to take some days off from work, enjoy some time with myself, read some books for inspiration, watch all the movies that I have downloaded, just hang around channel surfing on the TV, go out with friends for one night - just really ordinary stuff, nothing grand. Then came everybody asking me what I'd do to celebrate my birthday and it was like water being splashed to my face while I were sleeping! And I was like, I'm going to be 2*! I've got to celebrate it! So the whole week I did. Each day and night with different groups of friends and it was really fun! The longest and most fun birthday celebration I've ever had. I am very thankful that my friends, family, and Tim were very supportive and proactive in celebrating birthday. It made all the difference and spending it with the people close to you and who shares the same affection as what you have for them is just the most important thing and the only thing that I'd ever want today, later... even tomorrow.

I wanted to give you a full account of the celebration that I've had, but I don't have all the photos in here... I might just have to update you later on that. And just so you know, the first half of the year is NOT my time - I get sickly, I get into a writer's block, and I get sooo anxious I feel like strangling myself  and shut my thoughts out for over-speeding. 

your friend from outer space,

~tSin

P.S.

I got a haircut :) More on a trim and then some bangs though.

I need a train to Dubai or wherever.