Excitement in Tranquility.

Photo from briefstories.

I am in a state in my life right now wherein I am so mentally busy - processing and reprocessing a series of things that I haven't fully grasped yet. In fact, I am gasping for breath - every now and then.I've got so many things but on the top of my head I'd still want to do a lot more things, like: jog five times a week, go to dinner with friends, have a chit-chat with random people, write and write and tweet, and go to the mall more often. I think it's my form of rest. I believe that I could still do a lot of things besides my new adventure. I'd like to call it as such... just because. Anyway, I really can't tell you fully about it yet, but here let me give you a peek of what's going on inside of me ;)

05102011

Here’s the answer to my prayers... to my questions. I am finally moving, but where should I start? I’m drowning with ideas that all I could do right now is wish that they don’t clutter up inside my head like the piling number of dishes in our kitchen sink and that my mind won’t blow up with the pressure that I’m pressing too hard on myself. I am truly excited about this but with my excitement also comes numerous bouts of anxieties. Then there are fears: of failing, of not meeting expectations, of not doing the job right and lastly, not getting this job in the end.

I am certainly happy about this new chapter of my life - I mean, doing something different and more than what I am doing right now is really a breakthrough for me. Something that I have been wishing for all of my life and I just want it to be perfect the way I want everything else in my life to be perfect . There are so many things I need to look into, people that I need to brainstorm with, colleagues that I have to share ideas with, give help to and get help from - you know how the two-way street works? That’s right. Aside from  that, I also need to practice a not so new skill, but a skill that I have buried six feet under some time ago... and that’s the skill of being amiable. Because if I can’t be amiable and continue on with my cool, reserved, and seemingly dispassionate self - how will I get others to help me out? How could I get to convince them that I need some help? How could I make them believe that I am truly an advocate to this change that is yet to unfold months from now? That, perhaps, I honestly don’t know what I’m doing? That there are a lot of things that I still need to learn to get through this adventure? Yes. Adventure. It’s lighter that way! That I can be their confidante? That I am willing to help them if they need me? That I am an equally or unequally good person as they are?

I am also very grateful and thankful that I was given this task. I am grateful to my supervisor, to my managers and to everyone who believed in my capability. It’s not always everyday that you get commended for something, right? I am also very thankful to God for hearing my prayers! So... I am taking this opportunity to develop my skills - whatever it is that I have that I am not aware of just yet, learn new things, and interact with a larger number of people. I’m sure it’s going to be amazing and fantastic and fun and awesome!

For sure, not everyone will be pleased and awed with my works, but I will one day conquer the world. Hahaha! That’s silly of me, I know. But  I guess, that’s just the how the world goes. Maybe I could buff my courage up and swallow my pride so I could take all of the criticisms to my advantage, to improve myself (unless... they are way too personal already. If you know what I mean.)

Let this day mark my very first day to my “Adventure”. Let’s roll!

I couldn't wait for the weekend now and numerous other things.

exhaustion is all but in the imagination,

~tSin