No Longer a Baby.

A picture of him when he was still in 1st grade or so.

 My big little brother is all grown up now! 

A picture of him now.

And I think I'm still in this stage wherein I'm accepting that fact, but don't get me wrong. I am very happy that my baby brother is finally growing up and going out of his shell! He's no longer the very aloof and super shy boy he's so known to be! He can now be asked to buy some stuff from the sari-sari store next to our house and that's a really great achievement knowing him - he could stay inside the house all day that our neighbors would never even know he exists! He's already got a girlfriend *sniffs* when in fact he just used to Facebook stalk those pretty ones, but of course, I am still as happy even though it sort of breaks my heart that we (my sisters and I) have now a kahati with his time and attention. Still, I am happy and I am truly praying that his relationship with his girlfriend goes smoothly and if it does not that it will not break his heart into a million irreparable pieces, that he learns from it and move on without holding on any grudges or bitterness at all.

*sighs*

I've been going these things all over and over inside my head and Tim and he'd often tell me that I'm just having this separation anxiety or something. But I don't think so... I'm probably just not used to seeing my brother being so big and tall and sometimes, doing our laundry. Hahahaha! Kidding aside, I am a proud sister because I've witnessed my brother's positive change throughout the years and I hope he continues to progress to the right direction. I also pray that he becomes a wise, God-fearing, loving gentleman and of course, a good citizen of the world (may he follow in my footsteps! Hahahah!). I definitely love my brother so much although I don't tell him as often, but I really, really, really do! 

love you, dong;

~Ate

Here is the Inside of MY Head:

It's a colorful swirl.

And I can't tell you... 

If it's a bad or a good thing.

I realized in the past few days that...

this world...

this life...

is definitely a series of ups and downs and ups and downs.

You could just wish it stays up there in the clouds 

of never-ending high and bliss,

but in reality you just have to get down somehow.

Which is essential so that we may learn from our wrongs 

and avoid repeating it in the future.

Bat for Lashes was right all along when they sang in their song, Sleep Alone, 

that in every high, high, high...

there must be a low, low, low.

But I hope it doesn't work this way.

Like poof! And all the magic's gone.

Because it's dismaying you know.

It is.

Right now, it is sucking me dry of life.

I know I've got to move on.

Say a prayer.

Pat my heart and calm it down while saying...

"Ahl iz well!"

It does work.

only I could frustrate Me,

~tSin

Abandoned.

OH.

MY.

G.

How long has it been? One entry for the month of March?! Guys or girls or gays reading this blog I would accept any punishment as long as it involves ice cream. Well, seriously though... One entry for March and that was my birth month! Gosh! How busy have I been on that month? And having left too many "blank days" (as I would call the skipped pages on my dated journals) on this blog could mean officially calling it... Abandoned Blog. 

What good would my sorry do for? :( But really, I am so very sorry if I've been very boring in the past few weeks. When things like these happen, it could only be because of two things and it's either: Too many things are going on in my life OR Nothing at all (as in zit) is happening in my life. The latter would somehow be a lie though because stressing out on what to eat the minute I wake up is already a happening, right? Or wouldn't you agree?

So... what now? I've already turned 2* (for security reasons, I'd rather not divulge my age ;)) and on the very day of my birthday, on that very morning I was too stressed out I could've broke down if Tim wasn't there to keep me from falling. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have plans. I couldn't imagine nor plan anything lovely for my birthday. I only wanted to take some days off from work, enjoy some time with myself, read some books for inspiration, watch all the movies that I have downloaded, just hang around channel surfing on the TV, go out with friends for one night - just really ordinary stuff, nothing grand. Then came everybody asking me what I'd do to celebrate my birthday and it was like water being splashed to my face while I were sleeping! And I was like, I'm going to be 2*! I've got to celebrate it! So the whole week I did. Each day and night with different groups of friends and it was really fun! The longest and most fun birthday celebration I've ever had. I am very thankful that my friends, family, and Tim were very supportive and proactive in celebrating birthday. It made all the difference and spending it with the people close to you and who shares the same affection as what you have for them is just the most important thing and the only thing that I'd ever want today, later... even tomorrow.

I wanted to give you a full account of the celebration that I've had, but I don't have all the photos in here... I might just have to update you later on that. And just so you know, the first half of the year is NOT my time - I get sickly, I get into a writer's block, and I get sooo anxious I feel like strangling myself  and shut my thoughts out for over-speeding. 

your friend from outer space,

~tSin

P.S.

I got a haircut :) More on a trim and then some bangs though.

I need a train to Dubai or wherever.

March On!

~How foolish are we to have believed that we can alter our destiny through the modern inventions. | KZJ (or ME)

Pretty much how my birthday month started: FOOD.

 It's finally March. And (if you're following my gibberish-ing here) you might be wondering what has happened to my About Cheeze in 30 Days Challenge - I know I promised I would finish this challenge to the end (even if I had to finish it outside the given 30 days) but I've thought about it and the last two questions are sort of vital and would certainly define my whole being. With that said I've decided to not include them - so technically, I am done with the challenge. 

Here are the two last parts of the challenge and why I think I should leave it as... it is...

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned?

~ I am a great lover of new things, new experiences, and new anything. I constantly learn from my mistakes, from other people, from whatever I read (books, the Internet, or Google... maybe, even Twitter! Gawd!). I am always thirsty for knowledge - sometimes, even those things that I don't have to know because for sure it's gonna hurt me or keep me preoccupied one way or another. I also have this tendency to learn-relearn-unlearn things --- so, until everything is intact in my system that's when I'll give you information on things that I've learned - those that are life changing and not just the trivial one. 

Ok. I'm just too lazy, really.

 
Day 30- Who are you?

~Because I, honestly, am not sure who I am right now. Well... Probably this:

Yeah. Figure me out, right?

I've been wordless these past few days because I often feel tired and sort of unhealthy. I don't know. I guess it's time to see the eye doctor and get those glasses - the cool ones, hahah!


horchata,

~tSin

I Am an Animal Trapped in Your Hot Car

Oh God! Forgive me for I do not know where I am going.

Sometimes, I'd wake up in the middle of the night thinking - out of nowhere - what I ever got to do with my life. 

I've been pressured to do the right things...

I've been pushed to my limits...

I've sacrificed some just to fulfill...

MY DREAMS.

And funny enough, I don't even know what my dream really is.

Or what I want to do with my life.

I'm too good in telling people to be patient, to pray, to follow their hearts, and telling them that good things do come to those who wait. But I could hardly do that myself. Makes me think that it's never as easy to practice what you preach because we definitely got different roads to travel and choices to make. 

I am a ghost in a ghost town.

I don't want too much.

I only want to travel the world - probably 50 cities or more before I could reach 50.

I want to have enough money to spend on the things that I merely want, not just need.

I want to teach, but I honestly don't want to go back to school anymore. I'm afraid of the thesis.

I really, really, am afraid of it. How silly of me!

I want my papa and mama to be better. To get well from whatever illness that's got them.

I want to be stable - mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I want to move on and completely forget the past - I need those darkened episodes to be erased from my memory.

I want to stop blowing off smokes of negativity.

I want to be myself and not be sorry for it.

I want to inspire people, touch their lives and make a difference.

BUT...
I am too lazy.

I am a coward.

I am too afraid to reach out and also to open up.

I don't want too much, yes. But as you can see I could really ask too much.

Gah! If only Google Maps could show me where I should go to exactly...

It would be way, way easier... wouldn't it?

Anyhoo...

Let me leave you with this before I drown myself more into the perils of my eternal conundrum on this subject.

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going,
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

~in thoughts in Solitude by Thomas Merton

I got this from Paulo Coelho's tweet. And I was like... "WHOAH! Perfect timing!"

Tomorrow, I shall know what I am doing in this world.
If not tomorrow or if not ever...
I am definitely hoping that I have done at least one thing in my life that pleased God.

sucking it up,

~tSin